You can either grab the person by the hair and bulldoze your righteous opinions all over them or you can try the following method. In my line of work, I deal with people with varying degree of risk appetite and level of acceptance. Often times it can be frustrating to deal with them when "the situation is so simple". Not everyone is blessed to see things as simple as you or me. What's simple to us could be a life threatening ordeal for another. How do we handle someone who can't see it our way? Here are a few things you DON'T do to aggravate the matter.
This is what you can do:
Well, that's today's Alpha Mind tip on how to be a better leader/boss/friend/co-worker. You can also join me on my Alpha Mind 30-Day Challenge here or check out my other thoughts on life and living here on my Facebook page. Leave me a comment and let me know if this tip worked out for you. Update: (This one is for Natalie Trog who left me a comment on Facebook asking about dealing with impossible in-laws) So you have tried the more diplomatic approach, you have tried the Alpha Mind approach, and everything seem to just fall flat with the person you're dealing with. In fact, said person is abrasive and antagonistic, and every time you have to deal with them, you get shot through with a bolt of blue. The person is effing impossible to deal with. You cannot win every fight, and not every mother's son and daughter are open to compromise. In fact, they may see your soft approach as a weakness and capitalise on it. For people like that, I say fuck-it and walk away. Some fights are not worth it.
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Read an article somewhere a long time back about the secret of happiness. It stated that the way to being happy is to have empathy. In my ego centric younger days I couldn't fully appreciate the wisdom in that. In my 30s now, and less hot headed, I find myself listening more and placing less emphasis on my own opinions on what is "right".
Recently I learned that instead of hammering my opinions into other people's mind-set, I'm able to remove myself from my own ego and see things from their perspective. And I mean really see it from their eyes, walk in their shoes, experience their pain and their joy. Empathy. It turns out, people generally aren't the assholes we made them out to be. And when you can appreciate that and see that the world isn't out to piss you off all the time, you start to see the shades instead of solid colours. You begin to feel that the world has so much depth and definition you have yet to experience. And sometimes you're fortunate not to have had to experience them. There is a strange sense of serenity; and also a very awkward sense of humility. It made me feel young again. Like when I was in my teens and hungry to learn what society and life has to offer: the joy of discovering new emotions and sensations. All of a sudden a great burden of anguish is removed from my soul. It made me a little light headed. At peace. And I think at the end of it all, when a man finds peace, he finds happiness. On a conscious level, we all know that the fear of failure is the barrier to success. When we aren’t the one standing on the precipice facing judgement, we have all the nerves to recite motivational quotes to get the person to take the leap of faith. Why is it that we ourselves aren’t able to practice what we preach?
That's because fear is an autonomic response; it shuts you down, takes over the reins and offers you only two options: fight or flight. Most people take flight. Fear is a prick and If it was a person, I would stab him in the face with a blunt spoon. F#%@ you, fear. Here's my Alpha Mind philosophy of getting over fear in the most fun way possible. (Yipee!) They have been tried and tested by both teenagers and adults and the feedback I got was very encouraging. Well, let's get you started.
If you tried these techniques and they work for you or if you have any other wacky ideas you would like the share, please post it in the comments field below. When you want something really badly, you don't count the cost. Most people don't stay long enough to see it to the end because when problems arise, they start to look at it as a failure and then they want to bail; to give up. They keep running from issues all their lives. When you want something to work out, you don't start weighing the good versus the bad. When you want something badly enough, you need to feel it in your heart, your bones, your soul, in the finest fiber of your being - may it be in a business or a relationship - and you got to go out and get it. You got to want it as much as a drowning man wants air.
That's just the kinda guy I am. I don't know how to live it any other way. Someone recently asked me, "Why do you try so hard?" I think I've got my answer for you: It's because I want it really badly. Because I don't wait around to find something perfect or worthwhile to fall into my lap; the perfect job, the perfect woman, the perfect life. What I do is, I go out there, find something I like and I make the journey worthwhile. My name is Eugene Tay and this is my alpha mindset.
Positive reinforcement they call it.
You don’t really get the opportunity to learn from a mistake because, just like our constituencies, the boundaries are redrawn to accommodate your level of suck. Everyone becomes a winner! Parents and teachers have a duty to make you succeed at every turn. They readjust the bars so that you feel, despite your shortcomings, that you are awesome. They give you formulas and questions prior to exams to help you ace them. Motivational speakers get paid by the thousands to get you to yell positive slogans and make you feel that you – yes, you – are a genius too. You are the emperor and everyone has been applauding your new robe. You are feeling mighty proud of yourself, as well you should, for completing two decades of education. You did relatively well by your parents and you earned yourself a degree. Congratulations. You have unlocked an achievement. Tutorial mode complete, load map for game proper. Only now you find yourself in hardcore mode. There are no auto-save points and the epic gear that you grinded so hard for appears to be useless. You are upset. You feel cheated. You blame yourself for not being good enough. Here’s the good news: It’s not your fault. The bad news: You can’t rage quit this game. Your parents probably warned you about “becoming that roadsweeper if you don’t pass your exams”. They might have also mentioned that if you “study hard, get good grades, you can get a high paying job.” You grew up working towards that promise. That Study-Hard-Get-Good-Pay philosophy may have been true in your parents’ generation, but what we have now is a society filled with degree wielding graduates who believe that they are special – the main lead in the blockbuster action movie of life. In a recent poll by STJobs.sg, 88% of fresh grads say that they expect a starting pay of $4000 at the very least. What you will soon find out is that your name doesn’t appear anywhere on the credit roll till the last guy’s left the theatre. You are Graduate #5722. YOU are the new norm and your imperial robe is an illusion. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt; and I’m going to help you realign your expectations to a more realistic level. Here are some quick facts about the job market:
A Realist’s Guide to Earning Four Grand a Month
And speaking of passion… Passion is great. It gets me out of bed every morning to do the job that doesn’t pay me nearly as much as I would like, but brings me joy that’s worth more than money can buy. Sure, generally passion doesn’t pay well – not at the beginning at least. There are jobs that pay you less than your desired amount BUT they make up for it in other ways. For example, jobs that pay well also expect more out of you. Be prepared to spend a lot of time in the office. It is up to you to find what’s important to you: a positive environment, bosses and colleagues you can get along with, flexible timing, a good support system, or job prospects. All these qualities, if you had to quantify them with a monetary value, could be worth more than four thousand dollars. Point is, there is a money-to-passion balance that you must strike. You can go to the extremes, but that just burns you out. Think of it as courtship: the extremes would be a good-looking partner with lousy personality, or a kind-hearted loving soul with a face only their mother would tolerate. Chances are, unless you’re going for a quick buck, you would want someone in the middle. Finally, as my parting advice to you: Challenge limitations, accept failure. If you have to compare yourself with somebody, compare yourself with who you were yesterday. It. Is. Ok. To. Fail. Failure is not a dirty word. Have you ever played a game and aced it on the first try? Failure makes a better teacher than Success. |